She is like that.
Attached to the most inanimate of things.
A toothbrush. The cap of a lost ball pen. Sticky notes which have lost their ability to stick. Her broken hair bands. Dysfunctional earphones. Dried nail paint.
Her ipad and iPhone is a mess. Videos she would never watch. Songs she could never dance to, hum, sing aloud in the shower, enjoy on one of her better days, be moved when listening to on one of her worse days, or dedicate to people she loved or disliked. Movies that never meant anything to her. Photographs which weren’t memories anymore. Story's and articles she never completed. E-books she never found the time to read. Games which never, ever made any sense to her. She had them installed at some time, she can’t remember now. But she never questioned why she ever did things that wouldn’t matter to her or things she wouldn’t be able to fathom with her best analytical self. She knew she was that way.
Incapable of rejecting, hating, deleting, disposing of.
Always, always holding on to. Grabbing more than she could ever hold within her flesh, skin, bones and a heart without fences. Spreading her being to accommodate everyone and everything until it rips her apart. lifetimes of failures, pain, hurt and incessantly being spent by insensitive people later, she later realized how important a filter is. How invincible a fence around her heart would be. So she got herself a filter. Strict. Strong. Disciplined. Dangerous. Fully functional.
She turned into a self-bodyguard. Never allowing certain things or people into her vicinity. Those with the capacity to hurt or upset her, disrespect, discourage or decode her vulnerability to being attached. People who blurred her vision of life. She has a plan now.
Reject. Hate. Delete. Dispose. Let Go. Filter.
She is doing better now. Her iPad and iPhone is still a mess. She is still attached to the most inanimate things. Those things never made her skin glow with self-doubt and self-pity at nights.
She knows how her filter functions: keep until it hurts the heart. Then, detach.
Let there be space in your togetherness.
