God won’t give you more than you can handle.

Lately my time has been the difficult then I have ever gone through. It has been filled with illness,me suffering the consequence of sin, a part of me reeling in confusion and pain and me experiencing the emotional roller-coaster. 

Needless to say, I have had enough. But I can Handle much more, I am strong and I am HIS child and He never will let me fall and fail. 

I know I am not alone. I know some people who have dealt with far more for far longer.  But that doesn’t change the fact that my problems are less painful to me.  In the face of all this, I can honestly feel I have become a “pastor” and have the answer for this.  My questions before God about the reality of what I have experienced over a period are the exact same questions anyone would ask.

Why?
Why not step in?
Why not act?
Why wouldn’t you make it right?
Why couldn’t you part the clouds and provide a moment for me to catch my breath?
Why everything at once?
Why?

Not only am I okay asking those questions, but I think there is something holy and sacred in being courageous enough to ask them.  Don’t be fooled, those questions are only to be asked by the courageous.  But insipid axioms do little in the face of the actual brokenness of the world.  It is more courageous to ask the hard questions of God and wait for him to answer than it is to find hope on the side of coffee mug.  Asking those questions requires courage because, in the end, it is very likely they will not be answered right then and there. Now with the courage I have learned being patient. Cause for I have faith the questions will be answered but i have to wait. 

Ultimately, it isn’t about the questions.  Behind the questions is a deep current of emotion threatening to overtake me.  But too often, when the fracture in the universe threatens to swallow us up in pain I fail to get fully present to my emotions.  In those moments I think I do one of two things.  Either I ask the questions but never investigate what emotion is driving those questions, or I resort to some meaningful slogan to try and make me feel better.

This experience forced me to look at one such statement that gets spouted often when people go through a lot:  God won’t give you more than you can handle.  i sometimes thought of not trusting this lines but yet I am living and I am breathing for life that has proved it to be right cause somewhere inside I am fighting it. Now those lines have made me learn to have faith and hope. It has made me stronger and braver then I was. I am fighter and I won't quite as He has chosen me with this struggle for he knew I have the strength to find my way out. 

Now that I have said how I feel,  I want to link this statement to another. This particular statement, that “God won’t give you more than you can handle,” is a statement that sounds like “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to humankind.  And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear.”  You won’t be tempted beyond what you can stand up against. I only feel that if I want it so bad I will have hardship to get that cause fulling my dreams don't come up easily. I will face problems and He will guard me help me and take me to what I want. I have learned to know that problems are created by me, whether big or small and I have now developed a lot of understanding of not blaming Him or anyone else for what I am going through.

Don’t hear me saying I am rejoicing.  I am not.  Not once have I danced around our house shouting, “Yeah suffering!”  Instead, in the midst of pain and hurt, I am actively expecting a lot out of myself and God to help me do something different to get thorough it.  I don’t know what.  I don’t know when.  But I am expecting  my soul to heal me.  I am expecting  myself to restore me.  I am expecting myself to redeem this situation. I believe expectant waiting can only happen when we exchange our feeble platitudes for an authentic faith that engages God with the full brunt of our emotion and pain.  Only then can salvation been seen.

But that exchange takes courage.

I have the courage 
I have the will 
I have the faith 
I have the time 
I have the dream 
I have what it takes from me to be through this and achieve what I want. 


I can fight the pain 
I can fight temptations 
I can fight bad vibes 
I can fight hatred with love 
I can fight lies with truth 
I can fight can't with can 
I can fight for whatever it takes to be there where I want to be.


I am strong
I am fearless 
I am happy 
I am blessed 
I am wise 
I am grown in times with wisdom 
I am free 
I am Human 


Small Poem : " I choose to love you in silence ... For in silence i find no rejection, 
                           I choose to love you in loneliness .... For in loneliness no one owns you but me. 
                           I Choose to adore you from a distance.... For distance will shield me from pain, 
                           I choose to kiss you in the wind .... For the wind is gentler than my lips,
                           I choose to hold you in dreams ..... For in my dreams, you have no End..... 
                           I choose to be with you ..... For I believe in miracles " ......